If You Don’t Have the Bone You Love ... Love the Bone You Have

I have one of those jumbo bags of dog bones in my pantry. It came from Target and has about 150 rawhide bones packed in a plastic pouch. The bones are essentially identical – same size, shape and flavor. But clearly there’s more to bones than this ...

As soon as I grab four bones from the bag and hand one to each dog ... three of the dogs start trading them like baseball cards ... using a variety of techniques that would make the average mobster proud; from outright muscle and intimidation ... to the more advanced ‘sleight-of-paw’ technique, ‘There’s someone at the door! I think you should go check it out!’ ... to ignoring the other dogs entirely and cuddling up to the Source (moi). (The fourth dog, in case you’re wondering, has made possessing but not eating his bone something of an art form. Which drives the other dogs completely nuts.)

So what is it about the ‘grass is greener’ phenomenon that it seems to span race, culture and even species?

I’ve known people who exhibit similar behavior, folks who work hard, and take deliberate steps to achieve a level of success, and promptly upon achieving their goal, start back-pedaling ... insisting that it wasn’t really that hard ... not a big deal ... if I can do it, anyone can.

It’s as if we’ve spent years training to be mountain climbers ... building up our strength, terrain knowledge ... getting familiar with the equipment ... to reach the oft-dreamt-of summit ... and when we finally get there ... do we say "Wow! What an incredible view! It’s great to be here, and I made this happen! I’m pretty incredible in this moment! This is fantastic!"

No.

We say something more along the lines of "Actually when you think about it ... this was a pretty small mountain ... sort of a beginner-one you know? It’s really not that hard. That other mountain over there ... now that’s a Real mountain, if I can climb that one, I’ll really have accomplished something."

What’s up with that?

It’s complete baloney ... and these people are, for most part, impeccably honest, with a high level of personal integrity – just not when it comes to themselves. So is there a happy medium here? Can the urge to accomplish more co-exist with an honest satisfaction with ‘now’?

I’m all about having big dreams and looking down the road at what comes next ... but not at the expense of enjoying who and what you are today. When you’re at the top of a mountain, I think you’re not only entitled to a little satisfaction ... I actually think it’s an obligation. Kick back a little, take some photos ... pop the champagne. Then breathe as deeply as you can and let fly with your very best Tarzan Yell. Let the people who are still climbing know that there’s something to yell about when you reach the top.

It’s important. And it’s a step many of us miss all too often.

This isn’t a ‘fake it until you feel it’ ideology. We’re not talking about a pretend celebration. Don’t ‘love the bone you have’ because I said to, or because it’s convenient. I’m suggesting that you take stock, look around, and identify the things you really are grateful for.

There’s also something magic about appreciating your present, whether or not you choose to continue moving. With each new height, there’s a different perspective on where you’ve been and where you’re going. It’s a gift to recognize the changing horizon. When you look at where you are and what you have with gratitude ... you’re looking at places where you’re full ... and you literally see ‘more’ ... and thus more comes.

And when you second-guess everything, always on the lookout for something better ... you see ‘less’ because you’re always looking at where you’re empty ... which makes life feel lacking ... regardless of how much or how little you actually have.

Ultimately gratitude not only does wonders for how you feel on a daily basis ... it’s also incredibly attractive. You’ll find the more grateful you are - the more you have to be grateful for. It’s one of those universal rules that just seems to be a fundamental Truth.

And the dogs? With the intense bone negotiation stage behind them, they each settle down with a bone that’s ‘good enough’ if not perfect. And for a time, everyone is happy.

© 2004. All rights reserved. Beth M. Lyons, www.kitchentablecoaching.com

In addition to wringing ezine essays out of the tiniest of notions, Beth Lyons is the creator of the Million Dollar Life™ Coaching program, and co-founder of Kitchen Table Coaching™: where remarkable women gather to dream out loud. Kitchen Table Coaching offers mastermind coaching groups, individual, customized coaching programs, Barbara Sher Success Teams, Teleclass Workshops, Webinars, and the occasional live workshop. For more information go to www.KitchenTableCoaching.com.

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