Goldilocks and the Space Heaters

Space heaters are very important to me. See, I’m cold a lot of time, and my circulation seems to work better with a little outside help. Wherever you find me – you can pretty much assume there’s a space heater plugged in close by.

I’ve always thought this was a flaw - something vaguely shameful about myself. And in my slightly skewed perspective, my visibile space-heater dependence seems like the greater flaw than the fact that my feet are typically about 10 degrees colder than the rest of me.

But here’s the thing, it’s not like I’ve been all that successful trying to hiding this stuff … but I do spend a fair amount of energy trying to make my flaws not as noticeable. How different would I feel, if I just assumed being entirely me - space heaters and all - was just fine?

Lately I’m encountering a lot people who are tired of pretending something fits when it doesn't.

There's risk in wanting things to be just right. We're often told we've got to settle for what is given to us … and be grateful for it … because something horrible will happen otherwise. Sometimes the bears come home and eat Goldilocks when she’s found sleeping in baby bear’s bed. There is risk here. But I think the risk is greater when you make yourself believe that being you is more dangerous than pretending.

Periodically we have dinner and play games with our neighbors who live just down the block. Recently they brought along their daughter and her friends … all wonderful 10-year old girls, Emma, Jennilee, and Jade. So we were six adults and three kids. Now as adults, we’re a fairly impressive bunch, lots of degrees, senior level professionals, and the like. But we were nothing compared to these girls. There were amazing. We all noticed it.

Emma wore a sweatshirt that said simply, yet emphatically, “I’m a girl. Deal with it.” Jennilee laughed often, spoke when she had something to say, and was just the kind of down-to-earth person you’d want you daughter to hang out with. Jade, who we’ve all known since she was a mere possibility, was her usual impressive, matter-of-fact self; one minute giggling and kissing the dog, the next, blowing us all away with her creative and inventive vocabulary.

They weren’t 'stepford' girls or anything … they were silly, sometimes distracted … and embarrassed at times, but there was none of the shame that I remember from childhood ... the kind that still echoes inside when I’m caught by surprise.

While pleasant and polite, they managed at the same time to be not in the least subordinate or submissive. Their self-assurance wasn’t in-your-face. It just was.

They have total permission to be entirely who they are - to keep trying things until they find something that feels right, a position that seems to be powerful and vulnerable, at the same time. And it brought out a fierce sense of protection in me, as if to shield them somehow from a world that seems to honor conformity more than fit.

In the absence of that, I’ll settle for the reminder that we all have permission to be entirely who we are as well. That once upon a time ... we were Goldilocks too.

The point of the game is to actually play it full out – showing up as entirely yourself. And I want to play on Jade’s team.

© 2004. All rights reserved. Beth M. Lyons, www.kitchentablecoaching.com

About the author: In addition to wringing ezine essays out of the tiniest of notions, Beth Lyons is the creator of the Million Dollar Life™ Coaching program, and co-founder of Kitchen Table Coaching™: where remarkable women gather to dream out loud. Kitchen Table Coaching offers mastermind coaching groups, individual, customized coaching programs, Barbara Sher Success Teams, Teleclass Workshops, Webinars, and the occasional live workshop. For more information go to www.KitchenTableCoaching.com.

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