Every-Day Grace(s)

There’s something about temperatures dropping and leaves falling that makes me pensive, and recently, I’ve been thinking about Grace. You know, the one-size-fits-all, absolution/permission, that might be conferred upon you, without a moment’s notice ... but only if you’re very, very good, follow all the rules, spoken and implied, and do exactly what's expected of you.

Actually, according to the Greeks and Romans there are three Graces, not one. They are Splendor, Mirth, and Good Cheer, and are the personifications of charm and beauty. I find three Graces in my life as well, perhaps modern-day versions of their Greek predecessors. They are Abundance, Innocence, and Harmony.

These modern Graces are paradoxes and dual in nature. They are, at once, both present and absent; much the same way that ‘day’ means both the 12 hours of daylight, and the 24 hours of daylight and night. It’s as if the paradox is intentional, saying, ‘try not to get too attached to the language, and risk missing the actual meaning of the experience.’

Abundance, my first Grace, is the prayer said before dinner - the old faithful, said as quickly as possible, "godisgreat, godisgood, letusthankhimforthisfood – AMEN!" ... I can vividly recall those interminable seconds … between when the table was set, and when we could actually eat ... (roast chicken with orange slices, and green beans or peas with that pat of butter on top) ... If it weren’t for the melting butter, I’d swear the entire world had stopped ... all of us ... waiting, full of anticipation ... for Grace.

The youngest [me] is asked to say the blessing, and all close eyes, bow heads, and mumble words that say thank you for the gift of dinner. We recite the rhyme that honors my parents’ beliefs ... and in so doing both acknowledge and ignore the presence/absence of the blessings of which we speak, and begin, again, the craziness that is our dining table.

Thus the first of my Graces is the wholeness of abundance ... equal parts abundance and lack ... but viewed from a distance is simply a cycle of forward and back ... and so represents the entire cycle of abundance. Lack never lasts, yielding to abundance ... as dark gives way to light.

Innocence, my 2nd Grace, is my 4th grade friend, Grace H., whose mother didn’t like me much. Being new in town, she tried to find a place to fit in, but the island that was our home is isolated enough that most of us had known each other since toddlerhood ... and one more wasn’t always welcome. Grace, by the nature of her off-island experience, was not like us ... she was, at once, innocent and not.

After school she’d ask her mother for permission to play, while I waited outside, pretending I didn’t know her mother was reminding her, yet again, how much she’d prefer Grace find someone else to make friends with. At the young age of 10, I understood I was also both innocent and not - being a preacher’s child shuts as many doors as it opens.

Thus the second of my Graces is the wholeness of innocence ... equal parts empty slate ... and wise-beyond-knowing ... and when viewed from a distance this is also a cycle of forward and back ... representing the entire cycle of innocence. As we grow in experience we become aware of how much we know and how much we don’t ... just as counting what you have can leave you rich but feeling poor, and giving it away leaves you less, but feeling richer.

The 3rd of my childhood Graces, Harmony, is my father’s church, Grace Episcopal, on Martha’s Vineyard. Of the three, this one is by far the most influential and abstract. I don’t recall it being a particularly spiritual or religious place ... though we did practice religion there. We also practiced music, dance, and plays ... we practiced ways of connecting ... learning what resonates, and what doesn’t. I met and spoke with people of all ages ... and I was listened to and ignored. I think Grace Church is where I first learned that community and isolation exist in equal measure; and being part of one, often means being aware of your experience of the other.

Thus the third of my Graces is the wholeness of harmony ... equal parts consonance and dissonance, in tune and out. This too, when viewed from a distance it is simply a cycle of forward and back ... and so represents the entire cycle of harmony. We resonate differently with the people and ideas we connect with over time. Sometimes it’s a little off, sometimes it’s exactly right, sometimes it’s overwhelming, and sometimes just a whisper. And all of it is the fullness of Harmony ... just as silence begets sound begets silence, day by day.

I had been assuming Grace would come in a flash of light ... like something right out of a Road Runner/Bugs Bunny cartoon ... one moment nothing - the next moment BAM! A big universal free pass ... the divine equivalent of 'you go girl!' But dictionary definitions, notwithstanding, I’m thinking Grace isn’t actually something bestowed from on high. I think maybe it’s unearthed, as if it’s inside and outside both. And it responds more to searching than waiting ... more the active engagement than the plaintive entreaty.

Grace, like great coaching, is ultimately a collaboration - more than the sum of its parts. It is acceptance of the way things are, without resignation. And maybe all this is really just a way for us to learn to hold the space for the possibilities ... accept something we haven’t yet experienced, but know remains a potentiality.

Maybe Grace arrives in response to both an invitation ... and a place at the table.

© 2004. All rights reserved. Beth M. Lyons, www.kitchentablecoaching.com

About the author: In addition to wringing ezine essays out of the tiniest of notions, Beth Lyons is the creator of the Million Dollar Life™ Coaching program, and co-founder of Kitchen Table Coaching™: where remarkable women gather to dream out loud. Kitchen Table Coaching offers mastermind coaching groups, individual, customized coaching programs, Barbara Sher Success Teams, Teleclass Workshops, Webinars, and the occasional live workshop. For more information go to www.KitchenTableCoaching.com.

Feel free to pass this on to friends and associates - please just keep the entire issue intact.  Thanks!